CHURCH HURT

Hi Friend! You are probably reading this because you have experienced church hurt, OR you know someone who has experienced church hurt, and you are desperate to help them.

Either way, I'm glad you are here! I've been on both sides. I have been through church hurt and have people on my heart who I want to help recover from church hurt. Before we dive in, the first key concept is this: God didn't hurt you; people hurt you!

I'll type it again in caps in case the print on your phone is small; GOD DIDN'T HURT YOU, PEOPLE HURT YOU!

The enemy's goal is to isolate you and ultimately disconnect you from God. If the devil can create an association of hurt with God, he will use even the smallest wedge to create a vast distance. People who the Church has hurt will usually pop in at this point and say," I know that...me and God are good." Here is the problem with that mentality. If you and God were truly good, then you would keep his commandments. Luke 10:27 (NLT) says, "The man answered, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Also read Hebrews 10:25)

If you avoid or criticize the people who hurt you, you do not love them as yourself. You are not treating them in the way that you want people to treat you. If someone hurts you, whether they apologize or not, you must forgive them. I am not saying that you have to go back into an abusive situation.

I know some churches have abused their saints physically or emotionally. I am not at all suggesting that you put yourself into that situation, but I am asking you, for your sake, to forgive them! When you carry around hurt, it's like walking around with a knife through your heart that you are refusing to pull out.

Yes, pulling out the knife will be bloody.

Yes, removing it will hurt.

Yes, there will be an empty hole there.

However, it's the only way to heal!

The enemy wants you to think that being filled with pain and anger is better than being empty. You hold onto the trauma because it is your justification of how you want to live right now. It's easier to weaponize the injury than to let it heal. The problem is that "easiness" is short-term. Day-to-day, it may be easier to deal with the pain. However, just like a small wound that has not healed, infection will come with far more significant ramifications. Things will begin to disrupt your life, not because of the hurt but because it went untreated.

I offer you the parable of the tomato:

A certain woman once got a cut on her finger slicing a tomato for a BLT. (Get ready, this is deep stuff.) She was in a hurry, so she wrapped the cut in a dirty kitchen cloth and continued to make and eat her sandwich. Days later, an infection set in, and she eventually lost her finger. Unfortunately, they didn't realize the growth of the condition, and it had gotten into other parts of her hand, and she lost her hand.

Untreated hurt causes substantial lifelong loss!

If someone hurts you, a minister or saint, it is their fault! It's happened to me too. I was mad, betrayed, bitter, and apathetic toward other people. What they did is on them. God will hold them accountable! If you let the enemy keep you in anger and keep you from truly healing, then that cut in your heart will eventually cause you to lose parts of yourself that you never imagined you would lose. You CANNOT then blame that loss on the hurt because it is not the hurt's fault...it's your unforgiveness. (Whew, I knew this is heavy stuff. I'm saying this in love, from my heart and experience. Please stay with me and keep your mind and spirit open.)

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD.

Romans 12:19 (NLT)

God's going to take care of them, I promise. I've seen it over and over again. Interestingly, when you forgive someone, you don't want to see God's judgment on them because you have prayed for them and overcame that need for revenge.

(Not needing revenge is a great way to indicate if you have forgiven them.)

Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven! Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT)

If you don't forgive, you are carrying around that knife in your heart that will get infected. Mark my blog; other issues will show up in your life.

Your anger and distrust of people will jeopardize relationships. Your bitterness can cause you to turn to substance abuse, unGodly relationships, or maintain a toxic mindset. You can develop problems and habits that you never imagined. When this happens, you cannot blame the initial injury; those are indicators of infection.

I know this is very direct, and it usually isn't my style, but I have been feeling to make this post for over six months. I am not explaining anything that I have not realized through experience. I had other issues rooted in church hurt, and it would have been easy to walk away and start ranting about the corruptness of the church system. The Church is God's bride. When you oppose the bride of Christ, you are opposing Christ.

You have to forgive the people in the Church of the Church system that hurt you. I know you still love God! I know you wish you could erase the hurt, but you can't.

What happened to you is not fair. I am genuinely sorry that an organization that is supposed to bring you peace and spiritual protection hurt you and made you suffer. The Church is an organization of people. People are stinkers. There are amazing Pastors and Godly saints, and there are abusive Pastors and spiteful saints. Once again, I'm not saying you go somewhere you were abused, but you need to forgive those people and find a church home that preaches truth.

One last thing, this is my "musicians come" moment.

Do you know why Jesus was crucified?

Because the high priests and Jewish leaders charged him with blasphemy, the people who should have been ministering alongside Jesus were the ones who arranged for him to be sentenced to death.

Talk about the ultimate church hurt! Jesus was literally about to die to save the people who arranged for him to be killed. After the brutality of the crucifixion, the most beautiful thing happened.

In Luke 23:34, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."

And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.

Jesus prayed for their forgiveness! How beautiful! While hanging on the cross, he could forgive those who hurt him. He did not carry his hurt to the grave but gave forgiveness while creating a way for us to gain his forgiveness. He would save all humanity through his death and resurrection. If you have experienced church hurt, forgive those who hurt you. Pray and ask God to forgive them. Remove the knife and stop carrying around the damage it caused. When you forgive and allow that hurt to die. There will be a resurrection.

You will feel like a new person because all division is gone. You will be free to worship with fellow believers again and be strengthened in the organization that God ordained. The Church will still not be perfect, but God ordains the Church.

My desire in writing this is not to judge, accuse, or make light of anything that has happened to you. I hope that comes through and you understand the tone of this writing. It is in love with a genuine deep desire for you to be healed and your relationship with God to be made whole.

Be Blessed, Be Healed, and Be Whole!

Love,

Bek